5 April 2007 - 16:00perspective

I have to admit that over the course of these past six months I have felt very,very sorry for myself.  I havn’t had a steady income, I havn’t felt like I have been able to provide for my family quite in the way that I should… well the list goes on quite a way.  Instead of being happy and content with what we have and that we are surviving and surviving well, I have found myself getting upset on a number of occasions.  Lots of “why me, what can I do, why can’t anything good happen, blah, blah, blah, blah….”.

yesterday i got a slap in the face.  I got a call from a guy that used to work at one of the places I lived before.  He had been working for one family for a number of years as their gardener.  Then they moved away and he stayed with the house.  My friend who moved in the place took him on and kept him employed for about a year.  Then the friend left, the house was sold and he no longer had a place to work.  I ran into him during Christmas time of 05.  He had been without work for about 3 or 4 months at that point.  Asked me for help, I gave him a little money.  I also told him I would try to find some work for him.  Never did.  Every now and then he calls.  “Any work?”.  So he called again last night.  Almost begging, pleading for anything.  He is still without work, he has a wife and child and has no way to support them.

i guess what I am getting at here is that I am ashamed.  I sit here and complain and feel sorry for myself because i am “struggling” when in fact I have no idea what it means to struggle.  My family is healthy.  We eat all our meals in a day.  We have a place to sleep, warm, dry and secure.  We are comfortable and living well.
I have nothing to complain about.  I am going to try and keep that in focus and not lose it again.