im sitting in gatwick airport waiting to board my flight. in approximately 12 hours i will be back in texas.

im feeling sad. and happy. leaving a place isn’t an easy thing after being there for so long. i have left a number of times, but always knowing that i was on my way back. this time… i don’t know. i can say that I will return eventually, hopefully sooner than later. we shall see.

the thought of texas scares me a little bit. is it going to be easy to get back into the flow of things there or will i feel like a stranger in my own home for a long time to come?

hmm… i think the lack of sleep is getting to me.

it hit me right around 5 this evening that i leaving this place for what will more than likely be the last time for a long time to come. and it made me sad.

i’ve been bumming around kenya and sudan now for almost four years. all of which have gone by in the blink of several eyes, one long blur when i look back at it now. it has probably been some of the best times I have ever had and some of the worst as well.

someone asked me a little while ago when i had felt the “freeist” in my life. and i told them when i went to Lokichoggio for the first time. which is kinda funny considering loki is in the middle of nowhere with not a whole lot there to keep anyone stimulated or feeling “alive”. just work, dust and lots of heat. i think what it was was that it was so foriegn to me. there was no way that i could actually compare my life in that place to any other place i had ever been before. It was new and exciting, at least for a while.

its hard for me to think i am leaving. that i am going to have to go back to the “civilized” world and start from scratch and re-adjust and all that jazz. and it scares me like you wouldn’t believe.

.tluciffid si sdrawkcab gnitirw .gnihton od dna etanitsarcorp si od i lla .yadot nuf ton si korw .ereh eb ot tnaw tnod i